I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
