Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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