I accidentally had phone sex last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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