At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize