capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
