You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
