I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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