i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
