I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
