dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
