Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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