I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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