It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
