I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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