Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
