It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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