wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
