Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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