she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
