you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want nice things and good sex
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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