I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
