There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
