Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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