Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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