she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
