I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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