apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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