I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
