I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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