I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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