Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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