i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize