I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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