My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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