I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
