ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize