So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
