good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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