is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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