at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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