I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you win again, gameday.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
