So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
