No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
