8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
