Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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