I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
