she was so not down for the gang bang
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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