And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize