my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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