no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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