glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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