Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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