I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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