Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
