So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
