i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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