Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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