That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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