Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
