And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
