im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
