then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
