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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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