Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
