Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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